This morning was Julian’s last soccer class. I missed it entirely. Because in order to go, I had to drag my sick boy Arthur out in the cold, and he was accordingly displeased. Fifteen minutes into the class Arthur decided he’d had it. He started screaming. And he didn’t stop. He refused to sit in the stroller, refused to be held, refused to be cozied up in the Ergo under my warm coat. He just stood there, snot everywhere, and stomped his little feet in the devastating rage of an 18 month old.
I’ve rarely felt so helpless. Arthur was so miserable. I missed all of Julian’s goals. Nannies started offering helpful advice (“He’s cold!”), and Julian starting telling Arthur “It’s almost over; it’s almost over.” My heart broke into tiny little pieces.
After class I forced Arthur into his stroller and started the long walk home with my hysterical child, hoping he would fall asleep along the way and I could take Julian to the diner for pancakes after all. We go every week after soccer with his best buddy Elliot. But alas, Arthur wouldn’t humor me, and so I had to break the news to Julian that we had to go home. He started crying. “But Mama. I packed all the trains for Elliot and me to play with.”
When we arrived home, Arthur was so fed up he was basically trying to throw himself out of the stroller, coughing from all the screaming and his cold, and OMG it was so terrible. I tried to gather all of my stuff out of the stroller while preventing Arthur from falling on his head, when someone said, “Do you need help?” And I started crying and said yes. A woman I’d never met before carried everything up the stoop for me. She told me she had two older boys, and it gets easier. I said thank you through my tears. She probably didn’t even hear me over my screaming child. And I’ll probably never see her again to tell her how thankful I truly was for someone to come and help me in that moment.
I put my baby to sleep and made Julian chocolate chip pancakes. I promised him a date for just him and me this weekend and a new diner date with Elliot next week.
I think we’ll be ok.