Motherhood Fears

Most of these I never gave any thought to before I had kids. Now they are my reality. Wonder how I manage to get out of bed every day? I.Don’t.Know.Either.

I worry that

  • one of my kids removes the safety corner on our credenza, falls and breaks his head open on said credenza
  • I step on the damn safety corner one more time
  • I step on legos
  • I step on bits of food arranged/thrown on my kitchen floor
  • I step on anything at all
  • I trip over toys
  • I knock the baby over (again) when I work out
  • I run out of Cheerios
  • worse: I run out of bananas
  • Arthur’s first word will be banana. That banana isn’t keeping you alive, kid. I am. 
  • my kid will discover that I feed him healthy things hidden in sauce, smoothies, and pancakes
  • Arthur eats a nut
  • Julian falls and knocks his front tooth out. Wait. That already happened.
  • my kids get bullied
  • my kids get their feelings hurt
  • my kids think they are more awesome than they are
  • Julian discovers that I ate all the lollipops
  • some dumb thing will cause Jeff and the boys to crash with their bike
  • Julian will not stop asking “why.” Or “WALUM?” for the German speakers
  • the kids will ever find out that McDonald’s exists
  • Arthur will find that there are no limits
  • the boys become judgmental like their mother
  • the boys develop terrible taste in music
  • the boys will think Bruce Springsteen is not cool, for whatever crazy reason
  • we keep buying and getting toys and won’t be able to breathe one day, buried under a mountain of toys
  • Julian will wear diapers for all eternity
  • the boys will stop napping, as in ever
  • the ice cream truck will lose its magic
  • there is no coffee when I need it
  • there is no chocolate
  • there is no booze
  • there is no booze
  • there is no booze

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